30 Ways to Kill Mewtwo
by someguyoverthere
Summary: Just like the title says: 30 ways to massacre, annihilate, shred, squash and deform the corpse of mewtwo. Note to Readers- Words in the chapter title in CAPS are hints as to how Mewtwo dies in each chapter.
1. Just a Song? Think next Time!

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Just things which pop into my head (and Tifa Lockhart567s) which will not be included in any of my fics (hopefully). So, here we go... 30 Ways to Kill Mewtwo!

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Chapter 1:Just a SONG? Think about it next TIME.

Ganondorf walked over to Mewtwo.

"Psst! Link is putting on a concert! You've got to come watch it!

"Can I rip his head off at he end? Oh, never mind, I'll come"

Zelda watched from the bushes, and smirked evilly

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"Everything is going according to plan..."

When Mewtwo reached the Fountain of Dreams, he spotted Link, and sat on a box, which for some reason had an exclamation point on each end, and glared at Link.

"Play." the single word had a slight twang, since Mewtwo, like most psychics, could see slightly into the future.

Link started to play. A haunting melody played, and Mewtwo had a brief vision of clocks, for some reason.

"Don't worry,"said Link between notes, "The clocks are perfectly normal."

As Link said that, Mewtwo looked up, and saw a blue block appearing above him.

"Aww, Shi--" He was cut short by the block, with a Triforce on the side, landing on his head, and continuing on through the box he had been sitting on.

Kirby walked up.

"Aww, did you make all this jam for me?"

"Uh..., That's not--"

Kirby was eating the 'Jam'.

Link lifted up the remains of the box, and saw a bloodstained sneaking suit and a two way radio, which was currently yelling "Snake!? Snaaaaaake!"

"Aww, Crap, Snake was the only person who would listen too me!"

Kirby ate the rest of the 'jam' and swallowed it, and became Snake Kirby!

"This don't normally happen when I eat jam..."

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At least Mewtwo's dead... thought Link, carving a tombstone for Snake's remains.

If you don't understand the block falling from the air: in Ocarina of Time, link learned the Song of Time. This was used to open a door and send Link to the future. In the future, you could find an obstacle: a Stone of Time. Playing the Song of Time would send the Block back in and allow Link to continue. I just took that idea for this. Something similar happens in Knuckles Adventure, a flash animation on 2 Flash Games. Peace Out!


	2. Stomach Trouble? We'll have a blast!

This chapter is written by Tifa Lockhart567.

This disclaimer should have been in the last chapter but it wasn't.

If I owned Super Smash Brothers, would I really be writing fanfiction? (rhetorical question, Idiots!)

Chapter 2 – STOMACH TROUBLE? We'll have a BLAST with this one!

Ganondorf was bored. Very bored. He decided to go and find Mewtwo and try to kill him. Because everyone hates Mewtwo.

Mewtwo was walking around the garden outside the mansion when Ganondorf came up to him.

"Hey Mewtwo, I'm bored so I'm going to try and kill you. Is that alright with you?"

"No it's not. I very much like being alive and do not want to die at this moment in time."

"Curse you, may you die of explosive diarrhoea!"

Ganondorf then walked away leaving Mewtwo alone and confused.

Just then Ganondorf was shocked when there was the sound of an explosion behind him. He turned around and saw Mewtwo's body lying on the ground, surrounded by 'Jam' and 'Mud'.

Kirby then ran up and started to mess around in the 'Mud'.

"Errrrr, Kirby I don't think that's mud." Ganondorf warned. But Kirby just ignored him and carried on with wallowing in the 'Mud'.

"Well then, don't blame me when you get told off because I did warn you that I don't think its mud." He muttered to himself.

Well that's it. I'm sorry it's so short but I couldn't think of any thing else. Also it was going to be 30 ways to kill Mewtwo but we might just go on until everyone has had a chance to kill Mewtwo.


	3. Gran Tur Isn't Mo

Once again, we have brought you an episode of 30 Ways to Kill Mewtwo, The only show which contains not only violence and death, but truly bad humor, profanity, sarcasm, obvious plagiarism, and an idiot who eats 'Jam'...

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Sadly, SSB is not mine... *Sigh*

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Chapter 03 : **Gran ****Tur '**_**Isn't **_**'mo**

Mewtwo was bored. He decided to do something which challenged him. He was going to play... *gasp* A video game. He challenged Pikachu, Pichu, Lucario, Jigglypuff and Red to a race on Gran Turismo. Well, it would turn into several races until he won, but still. After loosing 6 or 7 races, He decided to get some more snacks. The group could have won on Supermarket Sweep simply by getting a weeks food. He returned to the main room, balancing two trays on his paws, a third on his tail, and several more orbiting his head like small, food covered moons. As he prepared to shuffle trays onto a small folding table, the doorbell rang.

"Mewtwo, Can you get the door?" Called Red from in front of the TV.

"Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they ask me to open a door..." he muttered to himself, dropping the trays balanced on his paws and tail. He dropped the rest of the trays when he opened the door, and saw Kirby on the other side of the road, staring dumbly into the sky.

"Come and look at this! It's like a... a... Come and have a look!"

Mewtwo sighed to himself. He crossed the road, and looked up. He stood there dumbfounded for a moment.

"Kirby, it's a tree."

While Kirby was figuring out that leaves don't taste good, Mewtwo crossed the road. His psychic-power-enhanced hearing allowed him to hear a cry of "Come on, Blue Falcon!", badly affected by the Doppler effect. It was obviously moving at some speed.

"D'aww, Motherf-" He was abruptly cut off by a blue blur, which carried on after hitting Mewtwo, leaving scorch marks on the road and a smear of...

"Jam! Mewtwo, you do love me!" Kirby yelled, attracting attention from the nearby house.

"Do you think we should tell him?" asked Lucario, eying the liver that had come to rest outside their door.

"No" was the unanimous result.

Came up with this one while playing Gran Turismo. It came from GT not having any form of damage meter, meaning if you hit something you would not take any damage, but just bounce off. Obviously, F-Zero cars go faster than GT cars and Mewtwo is softer than a cliff or a wall, so you would just go straight through...

'Brain the size of a planet' comes from Douglas Adams' character Marvin the Paranoid Android, who would complain as such whenever he was asked to do anything, mostly menial tasks like bringing Arthur Dent to the bridge of the Heart of Gold, or guarding a crack in the wall of a crater caused by a sperm whale popping into existence above an alien planet. Offspring of my Parents Out!


	4. Laser Quest

Another chapter of 30 Ways to Kill Mewtwo. I am pleased to announce that it won't be 30 ways, it will be 50 ways so everyone can have a chance to kill him. This chapter will be Samus and is written by Tifa Lockhart567.

Disclaimer – Do I look like I own Super Smash Brothers? If I did I would have put more characters in Brawl.

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Chapter 3 – LASER Quest

Mewtwo was walking around the Mansion when he saw Samus, Zelda and Peach with Ness, Lucas, Nana and Popo. Seeing that they were discussing something he walked over to them. Peach noticed Mewtwo and squealed happily.

"Samus, Zelda look we can go now because we can be split into teams." Hearing this Zelda, Samus, Ness, Lucas, Nana and Popo looked where Peach was looking. They all saw Mewtwo.

They quickly dragged Mewtwo outside and Zelda teleported them away.

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As soon as Mewtwo saw where they were going he groaned. Zelda and Peach had to drag him by the tail to enter Laser Quest.

The entered and got given the guns. They then split into four groups of two. Nana was with Samus, Popo was with Zelda, Lucas was with Peach and Ness was with Mewtwo

After a hour Popo's and Lucas' teams were eliminated and so was Nana and Ness. It was just Samus and Mewtwo. Before Mewtwo could blink Samus had stood in front of him and shouted "I'm-a Firin' Ma Laser!" The Zero Laser engulfed Mewtwo killing him.

After the laser ended Samus stood there in her Zero Suit and muttered "Oops"

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I know it was short but I just had to end it there with the "I'm-a Firin' Ma Laser!" bit. That just makes me laugh so much. Next chapter it goes back to SuperSmashBigBrother who is now ThanksForAllTheFish.


End file.
